You gotta know when to hold 'em...

(me, probably singing out of tune) ...know when to fold 'em, know when to walk away, know when to run...uh huh. Just a little classic Kenny Rogers to illustrate a point. I mean, I'm all for do it yourself, but at some point you have to realize when you're out of your depth. That's kinda what happened with my curtains. Had I not listened, it could've been a different title to this post, like "When Disaster Strikes".

Luckily Diva Queen B, who is sometimes wise beyond her years, as gently as she could, reminded me about how long it took me to finish those darned benches and how it would indeed be fool hardy to attempt to make perfectly tailored grommet curtains whose flaws could neither be hidden or amended in any way once the fabric was cut. She really didn't say all that, she just reminded me how much fabric costs and how molded I would be if they weren't right...and she wasn't all that gentle either.

Curtains kinda finish a room, so that was one of the last things to do in that space. Until then, my windows wore floods.

Sad, right? But at least it's better than hanging sheets.

We wanted a pop of unexpected and dazzling color. The idea was to choose something that would pick up the color in the benches--it was a bold choice since I already had so many reds, browns and oranges going on. But the thing about it is, no matter how wild it might seem, if you feel it in your gut, then it's gonna be right for you. Anyway, it took many moons and many discarded swatches before we found the perfect pop of blue--or for ya'll who are real serious and precise about your colors, it's Azure.

Kudos to David from Midas Fabrics who came on a Sunday to hang my curtains and make me happy.

Thank goodness for gut feelings.

Deuces!

Funky I.

Don't Try This at Home

This is not for the faint of heart. There is nothing conventional or ordinary goin' here so take your heart pills and hold on.

This is the one room that had a concept life right from the beginning: Manhattan-African Chic. The mission was to create a background that would support the concept, as well as be functional, dynamic, and most of all, it had to be funky.

So you see the problem when you look at the flick. Does this really say anything to you about Manhattan-African Chic?

It was respectable but non-descript and it most assuredly had to go.

So here's what happened. Everything got gutted and torn out. As Katt Williams would say, "Ev-a-re thang?" Yes my people, Ev-a-re thang: the mantle, the marble surround and every bit of that God awful cabinet-framing and all. It was a complete deconstruction. And although this is what I thought I wanted, I was a little traumatized to see my new space looking like that and I walked around for several weeks thinking, "Well, it seemed like a good idea at the time." Trust and believe, it was the hottest of messes.




















And then my good ole Uncle Milty, contractor extraordinaire and my good friend, did his thing. I'm not gonna lie, we had a few setbacks and re-routes. We had to do a lot of problem solving and design modification along the way whenever I'd get another bright idea that would keep his list growing. But then one day, the sanding was done, the stain was on, the walls had been painted, the shelves, complete with spot lighting, were complete, the storage drawers and TV niche were done and dammit we had a pretty good looking wall unit! The colors and finishes mirrored the kitchen in texture and color; the lights gave great ambiance; the lighter color on the walls was a better flow with the rest of the house and (Yes Halle-lu-yar!) the sliding doors hid the TV. Daps to Uncle Milty.

Now after all this, we three, Diva Queen B., Uncle Milty and I took a collective deep sigh, sat back, put on some good music, had some food and a couple of beers and enjoyed the view. Shoot, we were so please with ourselves that we even turned on the fireplace. That was right up until I voiced a horrible realization. I had absolutely no idea how I was going to dress the space. Now see, that's a problem. Imagine, all that work and you could still mess it up if you've got too many or the wrong things going on. In the midst of my worri'ations, Diva Queen B. got up and went to work. She gave me and Uncle Milty (who didn't give a hoot about my worri'ations because he had just worked all day and was glad to be sitting down) a lesson on triangles, groupings and how the eye must dance. What could I do but watch? Ten minutes later we had fantabulousness.




And that's why she's my main apple scrapple.

Deuces!

Funky I.

Ballin' on a Budget

So Momma always told me that money can't buy taste or class. I tend to believe that's true. How else do you explain rich people who look a hot mess? I mean, if you're rich, there is no way you should walk out of your house looking like 12 K's of bad Autobahn. Now ya'll would have had to travel in Germany to get that one but for those of you who haven't, imagine cruisin' in your nice sports sedan at more than 100 MPH or faster because there's no speed limit, minding your business and enjoying the view...and then hitting a pot hole. Uh huh, that's like curtains for Batman. But, I digress. On the other side of that coin are people like me, who have Champagne tastes and ripple budgets--ripple being that low-end fortified wine that Fred Sanford made famous. So you get the picture-sometimes your budget does not match up to your desires, but never fear--you too can ball on a budget.

This is the beautiful stool that inspired me. It's hot to death, right? Yes, it was a little piece of magic, but tragically outside of my price range. So I did what any self-respecting diva would do when there's too much house to furnish and too few zeros and commas to back up your dream. I found another way to work it out.

I called on my good friend Jacques Penne' (uh, that would be JC Penney) who hooked me right on up...kinda.




The idea was simple: get rid of the ugly brown Naugahyde 'cause it'll stick to the backs of your thighs in the summertime, cover it with nice fabric and then dress it up with nail head trim. Easy, peasy, lemon squeezy, right? Not. It should have been a one day project, but apparently I did not pay attention in Kindergarten or Home Ec. and did not fully grasp the importance of being able to draw or in this case, sew in a straight line...then of course I got frustrated and put the project down and then it sat because it had gotten on my nerves and then is sat some more because I was irritated that it was taking me that long and the more it irritated me, the longer it sat and then one day I decided not to be a punk and let a stupid bench kick my butt and I started (in earnest) again...it was way too painful for what needed to be done, but I managed to finish and immediately put my sewing machine back in the closet. I'm sworn off of it for a moment, but I'm not mad at the results.




Bottom line is that it doesn't have to be expensive to be fantabulous.

Deuces!

Funky I.

How could it get any better?

One thing about the newer houses being built these days is that the bathrooms are usually really, really nice. Aside from old music and vintage cars, new beats old on almost any day, right? I mean, Jacuzzi tubs and steam showers are almost standard. And before ya'll ask, no, those are not my broke down candles and mismatch towels in the background--the place was staged like that and put on the selling brochures-so that one is not on me. Anyway, the one thing that I really like is that most Master bathroom floor plans that I've seen include a water closet! Now, never having had a water closet, imagine my excitement at the prospect.



Everything else, and I do mean everything was standard...including that hateful mirror. I still don't understand why builders build these nice houses and then put these crappy mirrors in them. Can someone please explain this to me? I mean dang dude. Really? You couldn't put a frame around it or nothin'? So anyway, I had a concept and a general idea of what I wanted to do--could have gone either way, but the only thing I vowed to myself that I had to do, even if the walls came crashing down around me, was get rid of the mirror. I absolutely hated the mirror...can ya tell?

So anyway, what happened is that I called Uncle Milty (my contractor) and explained to him what I wanted and he made it happen. I didn't really have a theme going in, it just had to have some fantabulousness.

So you see he hooked me up. He changed the counter tops, sinks and faucets, installed glass corner shelves in the shower, gave me beautiful french doors to what? Yep, the water closet! And finally and most importantly, he got rid of that hateful mirror. Whew--not a moment too soon.

The whole bathtub scene was completely blank for many days and weeks afterward. Having an idea, but not being able to find what I really wanted prompted me to just leave it blank. Then the Superbowl came on and Diva Queen B and I, hating the Colts, but watching the Saints mess up in the first half couldn't take it anymore and completely distracted ourselves by talking about what? How to finish the bathroom. Then gloriously, I noticed a small nail hole centered about where I'd need to hang a picture-Ha! No mismeasuring this night! Thank you previous residents! And I remembered a picture I had that I couldn't find a place or purpose for and which had been stashed in my garage collectibles and before the end of the 3rd quarter she had a home. The rest came together very quickly. The Saints pulled out the victory and it was a good day all around:-)





Now if someone could just tell me how to keep the dang plants alive, all would be right with the world.

Deuces!

Funky I.

Good Bones

Hi!! Wow, I can't believe I'm really doing this, but here I am, blogging of all things. I started this little endeavor for two reasons. First, there were some folks who actively inquired about what was happening in the house, so I sent pictures of my progress...then I got fussed at for sending them to some and not to others. Now, how was I supposed to know who had an interest in this stuff besides me, my momma and Diva Queen B? Anyway, I just didn't want to bombard anyone who was really not in in to all this HGTV stuff. After that, as I sent flicks to friends and family of my progress, I got more requests for more flicks and ya'll know I'm limited when things get tedious...so, this is my solution: The Funky I. Blogspot.


Since I really don't know where to start, I guess I have to begin at the beginning. My slice of life is just a basic little townhouse with good bones. When I first saw it I remember thinking that it was perfect and it didn't need a damn thing--well, that was true if you're satisfied with ordinary. I wasn't. It was a nice space but it was ultra vanilla, lacked personality and was completely predictable. The saving grace was that it had good bones.

What I mean by good bones is that the basics were all there. First there were the high ceilings, crown moldings, hardwood floors, the fixtures and the cabinets and countertops that were all good. To top it off there was a beautiful red in the dining room










and a pumpkin color in the Master Bedroom.

The floor plan was open and there seemed to be a lot of light. But there were a lot of things that I wasn't really diggin', like the cheap built-ins. Hated it.













Enter Funky I. ...and the rest, as they say is history. Today this space has been transformed from ordinary to distinct, dynamic and exceptional. Stay tuned and visit often and see my concepts come to life!

Deuces!

Funky I.